I Wish You Love.

To all those that I have loved and lost.

Conversation with B #1

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Home Bound

I'm off today, flexi time. God, how I love it.

I had my whole day mapped out, gym this morning, followed by a swim and coffee at my fave coffee house with an old friend and then a trip to the Trafford Centre for an afternoon of non-stop shopping. Great, I thought.

The reality is that I'm taking refuge in my bedroom at the moment and all plans are on hold.

I have two very odd looking men sitting in a VW 4x4, right outside my house. One is trying to hide himself behind the dashboard and the other is on the phone. And has been for almost an hour now. They are worrying me, as I really don't know why they're there and at this very moment in time I feel scared.

That sounds pathetic. I mean, how can one be scared in the comfort of their own home?
I'm not sure how to answer my own question.

So, yes. I am taking refuge in my bedroom. Windows, blinds and curtains are shut as if no-one is home. I keep peaking out to see if they've gone, or got out of their car to see which house it is they are calling at. I feel like the serious neighborhood watch woman, or 'curtain twitcher' as B likes to call them. If I had balls, I'd be straight out there like a shot asking them what they're doing. But I don't. Some gene I think I didn't inherit from my Mother.

I might just crawl into bed and sleep through today.

Walking to work

Love it.

Fat

I had the biggest fry up for my breakfast/lunch today. So much for all that dieting and getting fit.
I feel fat.
And staring at these cakes didn't help me either. I've just run straight to the biscuit barrel to find it empty, so settled for a lion bar.

Naughty!
Wii Fit board aint gonna know whats hit it tomorrow.

Fucking, Miss Jessica Rabbit?

It would appear, after a recent blog stats check that most of my visitors have come through google and the popular search tag, I hear you ask?

Jessica Rabbit fucks

Which of course, brings them to this post here.
God, I hope they found what they were looking for....

Finished.

I finished my book yesterday and I'm not quite sure what I was expecting, but I wasn't impressed. The ending just seemed a little too 'meh' for my liking. I am yet to read a book that isn't one of my normal reads that has a good ending. So far, I'm not doing so good on my quest.

Even though I was off yesterday, feeling rotten, I managed to nip into town and do some Christmas window shopping. This year I plan to buy something for B that he hasn't asked for, or even hinted at. A watch. I've seen two I really like. Both chronograph, but one has a much bigger head than the other. The first watch has roman numerals instead of the usual numbers or dots. Mother liked the more traditional looking one, the one with the roman numerals. But I liked the size of the face on the second. Hmm.

There isn't much in the way of price difference between the two, maybe about £15. I hate making decisions. I guess I've done well to narrow it down to just two.

So, what do you think? Does the size of a watch matter?

One fire burns out another's burning,

One pain is lessen'd by another's anguish.

Sick.

I've been sent home from work today, sick as a dog. Sick, sick, sick.
It's only a cold, really. But I need sympathy and well, the boyfriend is working away for a few weeks and the dog has fallen out with me (he's been to the vets recently). So I'm home, practically alone and ill and I want, want, want sympathy.
Please?

So, seeing as I've got the house to myself, I'm setting up home on the sofa. With my duvet, the V+ remote, laptop and a bit of Belle De Jour & Secret Diary of a Call Girl. I've also become quite addicted to Four Weddings. So I might squeeze a few episodes of that in.

All in all, with plenty of hot chocolates, I think this is definitely a 'get well' day.

What is your ideal 'get well' day?

Wept.

I cried last night. I mean, really cried.
But it was nothing to do with the state of my life, the mess that is the current state of my house, the mundane-ness that is my job, no.
It was a book.
My current read - If you're not sure, you'll find it on the right hand side.
My Sister's Keeper.

I won't give anything away and tell you what I was crying about. But I shocked myself.
Never in a million years would I have thought that a book would have touched me so deeply to make me cry.

I'm nearly finished reading it and I'm just wondering how upsetting the last few pages are going to be.
I know it's coming.
Waterproof mascara at the ready.

Banker, Wanker

I have jumped on the bandwagon, along with millions of others (probably) who have put in a claim to the bank to have all bank charges (unlawful of course) paid back. I've been meaning to do it for a while. Well, if I'm being totally honest about it, I started a claim back in 2005, but got stupidly bored of totting up the amount of overdraft fees I had paid. So I gave up.
This time, I'm not giving up.
I must be owed thousands.
The letter went off to the bank this morning, requesting details of all my bank charges.
I await their response.

It would be wonderful if the bank came back with the response of:

Yes, Miss Rabbit, of course we'll refund all your bank charges.
It will be deposited into your account within the next 24/48 hours.

If only eh..... I have an absolute twat of a bank and I know they're gonna wanna take this to court.

I have my business suit ready!

A vast improvement

So, this morning before work I managed to scrape myself out of bed an hour earlier than usual.
I did my body test, 15 minute jog and enough time for a quick shower.
I somehow still managed to get into work late.
Go figure?

Wii Fit board tells me:

My BMI: 26.76
Weight: 10st 11lb

That means I've lost 2lbs since the last time. Woo hoo!

And on that bombshell I think I might have an hour in the gym tonight!

Writers Block

I can't believe I have nothing to type. Nothing to tell.
Nothing of interest anyway.

Work is work.
Shit.
Life is still dull.
Still a non-existent sex life (must get myself motivated on that one)
But I am still as 'in love' with the boyfriend as the day I first told him that I loved him.
Aaaah
*yacks*

Anyway, Miss Rabbit is entertaining some friends tonight.
What to cook?

I've woken up this morning to find the biggest spot ever, on my face.
It's almost the same shade as my hair.
Oh no.

That day.

The day I can honestly say that I fell out of love with you, was the day you threw me into a door.

Grabbed me by the wrists.

Called me a silly little girl.

The bruises have all gone now.

But I still hurt inside.
I will never forgive you.

And I will never forget.

March 2008.

Hmmph

There is someone in my life at the moment and they are really getting on my sodding nerves.
Its a woman, I'll call her Heti.
She's not directly in my life, or in my 'circle of friends', but she's most definitely there.
I know hate is a very harsh word and I don't think I hate her, I think it's more of a love to hate situation. Once upon a time, we were friends. Work colleagues and now she has this tight grip of my throat. I hate it, the situation. There really is nothing I can do to get out of it either.
She's always going to be there, throwing her two pence worth in.
I would like to buy a house in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by beautiful countryside.
Escape.
Yeah, that's it.
I want to escape.
Escape from you.

So I decided to look for some quaint properties, knowing that I would never be able to afford them. Well unless of course I won the lottery, but that isn't going to happen. So get real.
Still it's nice to look, isn't it?

This gorgeous 'little' home is on Hilltop Lane, North Yorkshire. How beautiful, please?
Here is what the estate agent has to say about it.....

Hill Top Hall takes full advantage of its elevated setting on the south western fringe of Harrogate with extensive views towards Almscliffe Crag and the surrounding undulating countryside of North Yorkshire.

Mentioned by Pevsner in his History of English Buildings, Hill Top Hall exudes the ambiance expected of a building with 17th century origins. Over the last eight years, the present owners have been particularly successful in retaining the integral originality whilst modernising the property to a high specification and the property now provides immaculately presented accommodation including an elegant panelled and beamed drawing room with mullioned windows, sitting room with feature ceiling and inglenook fireplace and superb dining room. With a pitched ceiling the redeveloped breakfast kitchen forms a focal point of the house. A spacious master suite together with three double bedrooms, family bathroom and a second floor bedroom/studio further enhance the appeal of what is undoubtedly one of the most attractive private residences in the greater Harrogate area.

Outside, the property stands in grounds of some 10.5 acres including courtyard gardens, sweeping lawns and a swimming pool. With the extensive facilities of Harrogate some 2.5 miles distant, the country setting belies the convenience for commuting to the West Yorkshire conurbation. Access further afield is provided via Leeds Bradford Airport and the A1(M) at Wetherby.

I would love to live there.
If only I had £2,750,000 to spare.
Pah!

Wine

With yesterdays evening meal, I decided to reward myself with a lovely bottle of wine. Not exactly sure what the reward was for, but still. So the boyfriend bought me four - I think he's just totally incapable of doing what he's told, either that or he gets a kick out of paying no intention.

Anyway, I was told to relax, chill out and just take it easy and that he would be my wine pourer for the night. Hmm.

Big mistake.

I didn't think to question why one bottle lasted me all night. But I was enjoying myself, so why should I? I've woken this morning to the truth and the reason I was such a mess last night. I'd drank (quite easily) 3 bottles, just to myself.

I think he had high hopes of getting me pleasantly pissed and having his wicked way with me.
All he really got was to listen to me with my head down the toilet all night.

I still feel ill now.

It's cold

I've taken the plunge, as I'm sure many of you are doing and put my central heating on.
It's bloody cold today.
Thinking about making myself a cup of tea and crawling back into bed with my book.
Lets have a 'make Saturday feel like a Sunday' day - I know I am!

Wow

Looks like the Calorie-Count-Chicken worked, either that or it's all the walking around I did yesterday and the half hour spent on the Fit board, wiggling my hips like a maniac!

It would appear I have lost 1lb since yesterday and according to the Fit board I am making steady progress to my ideal weight of 8st 13lb.

I can't see it happening in a hurry and I bet I'll pile on that 1lb plus several more at lunch!

My BMI: 26.99
Weight: 10st 12lb

Day in work.
Bored.
Roll on 6pm
The photocopier is doing my swede in!

Calorie-Count-Chicken

Cheap and cheerful, some kind of Asda concoction.
Tomato & chilli and I have to say, very yummy indeed.
Served with rice.

Only 548 calories. On top of the tuna pasta I had for lunch, sip of cherry coke, buckets of water.... Oh and a Praline Flake (how could I resist?) I have to say I did very well.

Normally there would have been bread, crisps and extras thrown in there, but today I have been a very good girl.

Not even a drop of wine has passed my lips tonight and the rest of my evening will be spent in bed with my latest read. I'll be extremely pissed off if the boyfriend decides he's going to watch a dvd again.

Not sure if I want to go into work tomorrow, I guess needs must and all that baloney.

Miss Jessica Rabbit tries to lose some weight.

According to the Wii Fit board I've just invested in, I am overweight.
My stats are stacked against me and I need to do something to change that.
So I'm going to 'get fit' on the Fit board.
Not sure what my challenge will be, but here are the results of today's test:

My BMI: 27.19
Weight: 10st 13lb

Eeeek!

And yes, just for the record, I've pulled another sickie. At least this time it's for a good cause, sick of being classed as overweight!